Take back control of holiday stress and despair
Remember, one of the basic keys to minimizing holiday stress and despair is that the holidays can trigger stress and despair. Accept that things aren't always going to go as planned. Then take active steps to manage stress and despair during the holidays. You may actually enjoy the holidays this year more than you thought you ever could.
These are very simple OKOA things to head off holiday stress & despair. Not all original, and they may not all apply but this list has helped me in the past:
- Acknowledge your feelings. If a loved one has recently pass away or you aren't able to be with your loved ones, realize that it's normal to feel sadness or sorrow. It's OK now and then to take time just to cry or express your feelings. You can't force yourself to be happy just because it's the holiday season. Memories should be the best part of any holiday plans.
- Seek support. If you feel isolated or down, seek out family members and friends, or community, religious or social services. They can offer support and companionship. Consider volunteering at a community or religious function. Getting involved and helping others can lift your spirits and broaden your friendships. Also, enlist support for organizing holiday gatherings, as well as meal preparation and cleanup. You don't have to go it alone. Don't be a martyr; you are still among the living of life.
- Set differences aside. Try to accept family members and friends as they are, even if they don't live up to all your expectations. Practice forgiveness. Set aside grievances until a more appropriate time a needed discussion. With stress and activity levels high, the holidays might not be conducive to making quality time for relationships. And be understanding if others get upset or distressed when something goes awry. Chances are they're feeling the effects of holiday stress and despair also.
- Get an earlier start. There's no rule that says that all Holiday activities have to be crammed into the few weeks. Set your own time table and plans, you can decorate your home for the holiday season in July if you want (or even, like I do, leave some Holiday lights up all year round.) Food for the holiday season can be bought in advance, and holiday gifts can be bought any time of year. Stretching out your holiday activities over a longer period of time can really reduce your holiday stress and despair.
- Stick to a budget. Before you go shopping, decide how much money you can afford to spend on gifts and other items. Then be sure to stick to your budget. If you don't, you could feel anxious and tense for months afterward as you struggle to pay the bills. Don't try to buy happiness with an avalanche of gifts. Donate to a charity in some one's name, give homemade gifts or start a family gift exchange. Most people in today’s world will understand, as they are trying to live in it also.
- Plan ahead, but be flexible. Set aside specific days for shopping, baking, visiting friends and other activities. Plan your menus and then make one big food-shopping trip. That can help prevent a last-minute scramble to buy forgotten ingredients — and you'll have time to make another pie, if the first one's a flop. Expect travel delays, especially if you're flying or driving. Allow for those things that can not be planned for – Weather, misc. events, and add yours here...etc...
- Learn to say no. Believe it or not, people will understand if you can't do certain projects or activities. If you say yes only to what you really want to do, you'll avoid feeling resentful, bitter and overwhelmed. If it's really not possible to say no when your boss asks you to work overtime, try to eliminate something else from your plans to make up for the time lost.
- Seek professional help if you need it. Despite your best efforts, you may find yourself feeling persistently sad or anxious, plagued by physical complaints, unable to sleep, irritable and hopeless, and unable to face routine chores. If these feelings last for several weeks, talk with a doctor or a mental health professional. You may have other issues that the holiday madness and stress has only brought closer to the surface of life.
- Don't abandon healthy habits. Don't let the holidays become a dietary free-for-all. Some indulgence is OK and even normal, but overindulgence only adds to your stress and guilt. Have healthy snacks before holiday parties so that you don't go overboard on sweets, cheese or drinks. Continue to get plenty of sleep and schedule time for physical activity.
- Take a breather. Make some time for yourself. Spending just 15 minutes alone, without distractions, may refresh you enough to handle everything you need to do. Steal away to a quiet place, even if it's to the bathroom for a few moments of solitude. Take a walk at night and stargaze. Listen to soothing music. Find something that reduces stress by clearing your mind, slowing your breathing and restoring inner calm.
- Rethink resolutions. Resolutions can set you up for failure if they're unrealistic. Don't resolve to change your whole life to make up for past excess. Instead, try to return to basic, healthy lifestyle routines. Set smaller, more specific goals with a reasonable time frame. Choose only those resolutions that help you feel valuable and that provide more than only fleeting moments of happiness.
- Look at the bigger picture. Ask yourself honestly, "Will this matter in a year? In five years?" The general answer is usually no. Realizing this makes a stressful situation seem less overwhelming. This year try asking how much stress are you willing to endure for the holidays?
- Be realistic. As families change and grow, traditions and rituals often change as well. Hold on to those you can and want to. But accept that you may have change or let go of others. For example, if your adult children and grandchildren can't all gather at your house as usual, find new ways to celebrate together from afar, such as phone calls, sharing pictures, e-mails or even videotapes.
- Avoid the hype if you can. Yes, every retail outlet and commercial center on the planet is having a SALE; we all know this is going to happen. Add to that everyone else is stressed out, trying to cope and get thru the holidays just like you are. People watching and finding other ways to do things can be fun. Doing nothing on a holiday can be great for your health and is O.K.!
- Forget about perfection. Holiday TV specials are filled with happy endings. But in real life, people don't usually resolve problems within an hour or two. Something always comes up. You may get stuck late at the office and miss your child's school plays, your sibling may dredge up an old argument, your partner may burn the cookies, and your parent may criticize how you're raising the kids. All in the same day. Accept the imperfections in yourself and in others.
- Share your stress with others needing to vent also. You may not be able to change a frustrating stressful situation, but that doesn't mean your feelings are not justifiable nor unsolvable. Phone a close friend, schedule a meal, or even just go window shopping and talking. You’ll feel better after talking it out aloud and even sharing other kinds of answers with them…
Remember the Key trigger points of holiday stress and despair.
Holiday stress and despair are often the result of three main trigger points. Understanding the main trigger points can help you plan ahead on how to accommodate them better.
* Finances. Like your relationships, your financial situation can cause stress at any time of the year. But overspending during the holidays on gifts, travel, food and entertainment can increase stress as you try to make ends meet while ensuring that everyone on your gift list is happy. You may find yourself in a financial spiral that leaves you with despair symptoms such as hopelessness, sadness and helplessness.
* Relationships. Relationships can cause turmoil, conflict or stress at any time. But tensions are often heightened during the holidays. Family misunderstandings and conflicts can intensify — especially if you're all thrust together for several days. Conflicts are bound to arise with so many different personalities, needs and interests. On the other hand, if you're facing the holidays without a loved one, you may find yourself especially lonely or sad. Handle either case with great care and respect.
* Physical demands. The strain of shopping, attending social gatherings and preparing holiday meals can wipe you out. Feeling exhausted increases your stress, creating a vicious cycle. Exercise and sleep — good antidotes for stress and fatigue — may take a back seat to chores and errands. High demands, stress, lack of exercise, and overindulgence in food and drink — all are ingredients for a basic holiday illness.
Remember to go easy on yourselves; the holidays are just a small part of a entire year.
Have a Very Merry and Happy whatever holiday, and God's Blessing, One and All!
Earl,
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